Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Light the Match That Burns the Bridge

In spite of all you've said
it's never been in your hands
So let us speak a farewell eulogy
over all our plans

Light the match that burns the bridge
that doesn't lead to Grace
Now I clearly recognize
I am a stranger in this place

Every street I've walked upon
had to be redeemed
The places where I lay my head
never felt like home it seems

Light the match that burns the bridge
that doesn't lead to Grace
Light the match that burns
the alters we have made

It is a Lover's dream we all have to tell
It is a Ship of Dreams that never did set sail
I wander in and out of a sleepless fog
Hearing peaceful songs
that draw me to the Throne of God

Monday, September 22, 2014

Product of My Raising

I am a product or I should say a recovering product of well meaning but so often damaging Southern Bible belt of the 1960’s-1970’s. I was born on the last day of the year in 1955. I am privileged to have been born into the heritage of Jesus loving, Bible believing parents and grandparents. They however could not protect me from what I call “being a Church kid” which simply means, as many of you are, one who was at church every time the door was open. One who knew all the right things to say and prayers to pray in order to “appear” to be “all right with my eternal destiny, in other words NOT going to hell.”

The legalism of the Church that distorts truth has always been around. I believe the first distortion presented itself almost immediately after The Church begin. (that will be another subject but is well documented in the book of Acts).

Forwarding my life to about the age of thirty I found that my “sight” and “belief” of GOODNESS was incorrect and empty. My definition of goodness was a distorted view. I thought of goodness in terms of “being” good. Goodness was nice kind people who never got into trouble or had angry or evil thoughts. I thought Goodness was people who didn’t sin a lot, at least not the BIG sins! I did not know after all that time of being a Christian and loving Jesus that his goodness was and is supernatural. His goodness is intimate. HIs goodness is a “way” that He is. It is not just his character it is God’s being.

I saw with the help of my husband, Bob and mentor, Dr. Hud McWilliams, and my best friend Dr. Denise Gilliam that God is good because of His “rightness” His “righteous Holiness” and because of His goodness then HE can NOT be against me. He cannot be fear based, in the way that I had come to believe.

I finally saw that God is good in his being, he is good in his Word, he is good in his knowledge, he is good in his judgement, he is good in his works, actions and deeds. He is severely good in mercy and kind in grace. I finally know that only His goodness can satisfy my soul.

For any out there who do not know God fully in his goodness I pray today that the Spirit of God will give you eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart to be intimate with Him…as for this girl…

girl upon Mercy
riding away
girl upon mercy singing

girl upon mercy
safe from all lies
riding to live
a new day

a merciful hallelujah
singing good are you my Lord
sining mercy, hallelujah
riding on
to sing evermore.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Fear is a Wilderness

Fear is a wilderness
where the devil runs around
he tempted Jesus there
now he wants to take me down

Fear is a wilderness
where death creeps up on trust
the water is polluted
hope turns into dust

fear is a wilderness
where Jesus walked alone
oh but the King of Ages
left the wilderness undone!



I suppose I'm just writing words on paper
that someone else has already said
like cobwebs draped upon a barbed wire fence
just a blown' in the wind

of what's been written here
most will matter very little
just a vapor of a dream
like cobwebs draped upon a barbed wire fence
just a blown' in the breeze

jill autrey dorman

Friday, September 5, 2014

Alpha Girl Suicides…have you heard this term?

Alpha Girl Suicides…have you heard this term?

There is a lot of wordage out there in the world and cyberspace and movies about the Alpha Male but lately my attention has been drawn to the Alpha Female. The Alpha Girl is the whole package. She is strong, she is a winner, she is pretty, she excels in academics, she comes from a good solid family who love her, she is confident, and she is successful. The Alpha Girl is on the honor roll or has only made a “few” B’s in her lifeThe Alpha Girl is not necessarily a cheerleader or a homecoming queen but she is most likely a “star” at what she pursues whether it is debate or basketball she will probably get a scholarship for it or an academic scholarship to boot. This female will have lots of friends, go to a good college, and have a dream of becoming a doctor, a journalist, a good mother and wife.
This female has a daddy who loves her well and a Mama she can talk to and is her biggest fan. She may have sisters or brothers that she adores and they adore her. This female will be cute in whatever she wears. She will have cute boyfriends and be invited to all the parties there are to be invited to. She is NOT a mean girl and she is not necessarily a rich girl. She is a very nice and pleasant girl. She is a joy to all who know her. She is Alpha because of all the things mentioned above. She moves and navigates her life with sense and humor. She leads. Leadership is natural to her. Leadership does not require large effort on her part. She is gifted. She is Alpha Female.
So why are the Alpha Females killing themselves? This is the puzzling question in a world where suicide is becoming more and more common and I cannot help noticing that the one, who by nature lives and survives well, is now taking her own life. I am not a scientist and I haven’t studied wildlife but I believe when alpha males and females die it is usually because of disease or warfare with a predator.
None of us can know another person’s inner self so suicide and the reason for it cannot ever really be explained nor would I have the audacity to presume or judge anyone else on this earth but this issue saddens me and compels me to questions. Not questions of why this happens so much as where was the hope?
the joy of life? Where did it go for this lovely young woman who seemingly had it all?
I cannot answer these questions I can only examine myself. I can only encourage the young woman in my path that while they are gifted as an Alpha Girl they must see it all, all of life as just that, a gift. We who love them, nurture them, and follow them must remind them just like everyone else wants to be reminded, “you are loved just for yourself and NOT your giftedness.”

A sober subject perhaps but I see the validity of discussing these things. These are wonderful women’s lives at stake. This essay is left open ended in a way but I will end here with the following poem from the Psalms of David…

In you, Lord my God; I put my trust.
I trust in you: do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you
 will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
 who are treacherous without cause.
Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
 for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
 for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth
 and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
 for you, Lord, are good.
I am a daughter of the Gulf Coast
it’s deep inside me like the Holy Ghost
from Texas oil to Pensacola Isle
calling me softly to come and sit a while…

Night Swim

Have you ever been in the Gulf of Mexico at night? Ever tipped back your head and felt your body rise and sway with the motion of the sea? Looking up into a star filled black sky ions above you. In between that vastness of The Milky Way and all the water below there is a connection. There is the sweet melodious song of God, the Creator that astounds you into an unspeakable romance with Him. You feel you are in a dimension of awareness between antiquity and eternity. There is no fear. There is no dread of this power that you know can take your life in an instant…There is just the sea, the sky, and the smell of brine, and God singing over you…
The surf faithfully sweeps toward the sand dunes that line the shore. You cannot see them in the night but you are sure they are there holding the island together and budding with beautiful golden oats. There is a rhythm to the beach where the days and the nights of your life seem easy and make sense. At least for me it does. There is a canopy of fluid above and below. A heady cup of wine and that cup indeed runneth over…

Loving someone isn't the completion of what love is, it's just the entrance of the relationship. You can't love for yourself. It must be for the other person. If you feel like you have the "upper hand" in a relationship with your husband, wife, friend, child you better take a long hard look because you are not in love nor are you loving...just think about this...