I suppose I'm just writing words on paper
that someone else has already said
like cobwebs draped upon a barbed wire fence
just a blown' in the wind
of what's been written here
most will matter very little
just a vapor of a dream
like cobwebs draped upon a barbed wire fence
just a blown' in the breeze
jill autrey dorman
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
Alpha Girl Suicides…have you heard this term?
Alpha Girl Suicides…have you heard this term?
There is a lot of wordage out there in the world and cyberspace and movies about the Alpha Male but lately my attention has been drawn to the Alpha Female. The Alpha Girl is the whole package. She is strong, she is a winner, she is pretty, she excels in academics, she comes from a good solid family who love her, she is confident, and she is successful. The Alpha Girl is on the honor roll or has only made a “few” B’s in her lifeThe Alpha Girl is not necessarily a cheerleader or a homecoming queen but she is most likely a “star” at what she pursues whether it is debate or basketball she will probably get a scholarship for it or an academic scholarship to boot. This female will have lots of friends, go to a good college, and have a dream of becoming a doctor, a journalist, a good mother and wife.
This female has a daddy who loves her well and a Mama she can talk to and is her biggest fan. She may have sisters or brothers that she adores and they adore her. This female will be cute in whatever she wears. She will have cute boyfriends and be invited to all the parties there are to be invited to. She is NOT a mean girl and she is not necessarily a rich girl. She is a very nice and pleasant girl. She is a joy to all who know her. She is Alpha because of all the things mentioned above. She moves and navigates her life with sense and humor. She leads. Leadership is natural to her. Leadership does not require large effort on her part. She is gifted. She is Alpha Female.
So why are the Alpha Females killing themselves? This is the puzzling question in a world where suicide is becoming more and more common and I cannot help noticing that the one, who by nature lives and survives well, is now taking her own life. I am not a scientist and I haven’t studied wildlife but I believe when alpha males and females die it is usually because of disease or warfare with a predator.
None of us can know another person’s inner self so suicide and the reason for it cannot ever really be explained nor would I have the audacity to presume or judge anyone else on this earth but this issue saddens me and compels me to questions. Not questions of why this happens so much as where was the hope?
the joy of life? Where did it go for this lovely young woman who seemingly had it all?
I cannot answer these questions I can only examine myself. I can only encourage the young woman in my path that while they are gifted as an Alpha Girl they must see it all, all of life as just that, a gift. We who love them, nurture them, and follow them must remind them just like everyone else wants to be reminded, “you are loved just for yourself and NOT your giftedness.”
A sober subject perhaps but I see the validity of discussing these things. These are wonderful women’s lives at stake. This essay is left open ended in a way but I will end here with the following poem from the Psalms of David…
In you, Lord my God; I put my trust.
I trust in you: do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.
Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.
There is a lot of wordage out there in the world and cyberspace and movies about the Alpha Male but lately my attention has been drawn to the Alpha Female. The Alpha Girl is the whole package. She is strong, she is a winner, she is pretty, she excels in academics, she comes from a good solid family who love her, she is confident, and she is successful. The Alpha Girl is on the honor roll or has only made a “few” B’s in her lifeThe Alpha Girl is not necessarily a cheerleader or a homecoming queen but she is most likely a “star” at what she pursues whether it is debate or basketball she will probably get a scholarship for it or an academic scholarship to boot. This female will have lots of friends, go to a good college, and have a dream of becoming a doctor, a journalist, a good mother and wife.
This female has a daddy who loves her well and a Mama she can talk to and is her biggest fan. She may have sisters or brothers that she adores and they adore her. This female will be cute in whatever she wears. She will have cute boyfriends and be invited to all the parties there are to be invited to. She is NOT a mean girl and she is not necessarily a rich girl. She is a very nice and pleasant girl. She is a joy to all who know her. She is Alpha because of all the things mentioned above. She moves and navigates her life with sense and humor. She leads. Leadership is natural to her. Leadership does not require large effort on her part. She is gifted. She is Alpha Female.
So why are the Alpha Females killing themselves? This is the puzzling question in a world where suicide is becoming more and more common and I cannot help noticing that the one, who by nature lives and survives well, is now taking her own life. I am not a scientist and I haven’t studied wildlife but I believe when alpha males and females die it is usually because of disease or warfare with a predator.
None of us can know another person’s inner self so suicide and the reason for it cannot ever really be explained nor would I have the audacity to presume or judge anyone else on this earth but this issue saddens me and compels me to questions. Not questions of why this happens so much as where was the hope?
the joy of life? Where did it go for this lovely young woman who seemingly had it all?
I cannot answer these questions I can only examine myself. I can only encourage the young woman in my path that while they are gifted as an Alpha Girl they must see it all, all of life as just that, a gift. We who love them, nurture them, and follow them must remind them just like everyone else wants to be reminded, “you are loved just for yourself and NOT your giftedness.”
A sober subject perhaps but I see the validity of discussing these things. These are wonderful women’s lives at stake. This essay is left open ended in a way but I will end here with the following poem from the Psalms of David…
In you, Lord my God; I put my trust.
I trust in you: do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause.
Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old.
Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, Lord, are good.
I am a daughter of the Gulf Coast
it’s deep inside me like the Holy Ghost
from Texas oil to Pensacola Isle
calling me softly to come and sit a while…
Night Swim
Have you ever been in the Gulf of Mexico at night? Ever tipped back your head and felt your body rise and sway with the motion of the sea? Looking up into a star filled black sky ions above you. In between that vastness of The Milky Way and all the water below there is a connection. There is the sweet melodious song of God, the Creator that astounds you into an unspeakable romance with Him. You feel you are in a dimension of awareness between antiquity and eternity. There is no fear. There is no dread of this power that you know can take your life in an instant…There is just the sea, the sky, and the smell of brine, and God singing over you…
The surf faithfully sweeps toward the sand dunes that line the shore. You cannot see them in the night but you are sure they are there holding the island together and budding with beautiful golden oats. There is a rhythm to the beach where the days and the nights of your life seem easy and make sense. At least for me it does. There is a canopy of fluid above and below. A heady cup of wine and that cup indeed runneth over…
it’s deep inside me like the Holy Ghost
from Texas oil to Pensacola Isle
calling me softly to come and sit a while…
Night Swim
Have you ever been in the Gulf of Mexico at night? Ever tipped back your head and felt your body rise and sway with the motion of the sea? Looking up into a star filled black sky ions above you. In between that vastness of The Milky Way and all the water below there is a connection. There is the sweet melodious song of God, the Creator that astounds you into an unspeakable romance with Him. You feel you are in a dimension of awareness between antiquity and eternity. There is no fear. There is no dread of this power that you know can take your life in an instant…There is just the sea, the sky, and the smell of brine, and God singing over you…
The surf faithfully sweeps toward the sand dunes that line the shore. You cannot see them in the night but you are sure they are there holding the island together and budding with beautiful golden oats. There is a rhythm to the beach where the days and the nights of your life seem easy and make sense. At least for me it does. There is a canopy of fluid above and below. A heady cup of wine and that cup indeed runneth over…
Loving someone isn't the completion of what love is, it's just the entrance of the relationship. You can't love for yourself. It must be for the other person. If you feel like you have the "upper hand" in a relationship with your husband, wife, friend, child you better take a long hard look because you are not in love nor are you loving...just think about this...
Journel of a PK (Preacher's Kid)
If I had to say what were one or two of the most loved memories I have about being a southern preacher's daughter I would say foremost I loved and still cherish being the "apple of his eye." His only daughter, not in a princess-y way at all but just a light in his eye, a sparkle, an honor in his life that I did not deserve nor earn. Never once was there any hint or lack of favor toward me. One learns young in a "fish bowl" that people will believe what they choose and they will misunderstand a man and his heart and they will take it out on him and his family but they can never touch the "apple of his eye". The second treasure I carry with me as a southern preacher's daughter is the peace and stillness of the iconic "Sunday afternoon Nap." We didn't really have to go to sleep at all but it was a private safe haven when the world stopped turning and my two brothers, my beautiful mother, my dad, and I all took off our Sunday outfits and each lay between our washed cotton bedsheets and rested our heads on sweet southern smelling pillows and Rested. It was a Sabbath Rest that I did not yet understand at an early age. It was a sturdy parson's home and all was right with the world. I never knew what lie ahead for us nor that life would not always taste as sweet as those Sunday afternoons. I didn't know yet that daddy couldn't fix everything and that my sweet, sweet brothers weren't men yet. I didn't know that my mother's southern beauty hid pain that I had not yet heard of and had no inkling of the hard things that were expected of her. I memorized each one of them and I tasted the ripened rays of childhood and it has stayed on my tongue forever! I love them.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
To be alone
To be alone and quiet in my mind seems harder these days. I find ways to fill up the quiet with noise. I find it difficult just to sit. I am compelled to turn to books, writing, Facebook, t.v., sleep, and if that doesn't work perhaps family or a friend. This cannot be I think to myself...My life has more substance than this doesn't it? Pondering...
Thoughts
Thoughts from Me on Jesus…
Every relationship Jesus enters, every attack he encounters, every question asked him
all serve to affirm and reaffirm his absolute authority over the world of man. He doesn’t just have authority, He IS authority.
Jesus defied all boundaries and shatters perceptions about the true nature of God and of devotion to God. Prior to Grace the call of the devout is clear: Learn the system and keep it faithfully but no one could or can! However, Jesus knew no system and was not part of a system. Jesus weaved unafraid in and out of established religious customs abiding by some of the customs while exposing others to the “farce” they were (are).
So many of my distortions had to be reworked within me and some even on the “outside” of me…accepting The truth of the fact that Jesus knows how to bring distortions and formulas out into the open so that we can see them in the light of Himself!
The instant Jesus touches you-Hope brings reality. Jesus’ power is not something he possesses it is who He is. Redemption, healing, creating…these are the fibers of Jesus’ being. Jesus chose to accept the limitations that came with his existence as a human being but never negates the fact that this person Jesus is Creator and God.
Peter walked on water. Jesus did not condemn Peter or the other disciples for their fear or doubt he only asked them to consider their lack of faith. Why to you doubt, fear, or have little faith? My answer is because I take my eyes off THE ONE, Jesus and instead focus on where I am coming from or going to. I dwell on the storm not really seeing and knowing THE ONE who is standing beside me, living with me, interceding for me. When we allow our fear or wounds or failures to define us this is a red flag that we are not seeing our Lord correctly! What is the correct view of Jesus? That he is the only source of hope, security, healing and peace in this world or any world regardless of what awaits us.I know this for sure, religious or spiritual pride is the lie that says we are somehow elevated above others. That we have somehow DONE something or achieved a “skill” or “formula” in the ways of God…no we (I) have not. I am so thankful for Grace for that is the only way I qualify to be called a daughter of The King. Let it be done unto me as you have spoken Lord God.
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Every relationship Jesus enters, every attack he encounters, every question asked him
all serve to affirm and reaffirm his absolute authority over the world of man. He doesn’t just have authority, He IS authority.
Jesus defied all boundaries and shatters perceptions about the true nature of God and of devotion to God. Prior to Grace the call of the devout is clear: Learn the system and keep it faithfully but no one could or can! However, Jesus knew no system and was not part of a system. Jesus weaved unafraid in and out of established religious customs abiding by some of the customs while exposing others to the “farce” they were (are).
So many of my distortions had to be reworked within me and some even on the “outside” of me…accepting The truth of the fact that Jesus knows how to bring distortions and formulas out into the open so that we can see them in the light of Himself!
The instant Jesus touches you-Hope brings reality. Jesus’ power is not something he possesses it is who He is. Redemption, healing, creating…these are the fibers of Jesus’ being. Jesus chose to accept the limitations that came with his existence as a human being but never negates the fact that this person Jesus is Creator and God.
Peter walked on water. Jesus did not condemn Peter or the other disciples for their fear or doubt he only asked them to consider their lack of faith. Why to you doubt, fear, or have little faith? My answer is because I take my eyes off THE ONE, Jesus and instead focus on where I am coming from or going to. I dwell on the storm not really seeing and knowing THE ONE who is standing beside me, living with me, interceding for me. When we allow our fear or wounds or failures to define us this is a red flag that we are not seeing our Lord correctly! What is the correct view of Jesus? That he is the only source of hope, security, healing and peace in this world or any world regardless of what awaits us.I know this for sure, religious or spiritual pride is the lie that says we are somehow elevated above others. That we have somehow DONE something or achieved a “skill” or “formula” in the ways of God…no we (I) have not. I am so thankful for Grace for that is the only way I qualify to be called a daughter of The King. Let it be done unto me as you have spoken Lord God.
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